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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526492">Look at Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourhottestex/pseuds/yourhottestex'>yourhottestex</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Killing Eve (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Red String of Fate, Starts toward the end of S3, it's sad... like really sad so prepare yourself, trying to keep myself busy during this hiatus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:14:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526492</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourhottestex/pseuds/yourhottestex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eve and Villanelle try to work things out, but the universe likes to play cruel jokes on them. They try to overcome all the challenges and barriers but is it enough?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Never Look Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello all! For legal purposes, I do not own Killing Eve or any of its characters. This is my interpretation of how season four could possibly go. I am going to try to stay true to the characters and do them justice. I'll try my best to update weekly. </p><p>*Cue the bridge scene again because this fandom loves to suffer*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Stand up straight,” Villanelle said, softly but firmly. There were a million things racing through her mind. She wanted to grab Eve and to shake her. To make her open her eyes and see that she was never ordinary. She was always special, even before Villanelle. She wanted to tell her about her family, about her selfish mother, and most of all about how she hadn’t thought of anything else but Eve since Rome. Villanelle wanted Eve to know that she had taken their conversation in Rome more seriously than anything else.</p><p>Eve had told her that she didn’t know what love was. But oh how wrong she was. Villanelle had gotten married and discovered that no matter how many women she plowed through; they weren’t Eve. No amount of sex would make her stop picturing Eve’s face. Nothing could ever compare. She tried to repair her relationship with Dasha, who was somewhat of a mother figure. But of course, Dasha only wanted to use Villanelle for her own gain. She found her family for fuck’s sake. That was more of a nightmare than she had ever imagined was possible. Killing her mother... changed her. Permanently. She couldn’t keep that mask on anymore. Oksana was coming out whether Villanelle wanted her to or not. Villanelle still hadn’t decided how she felt about that specific part.</p><p>Love was complicated and confusing. It hurt and it made Villanelle feel things she used to ridicule people for. God, she couldn’t stop the feelings from coming in tonight. It was always way worse around Eve. She couldn’t control herself.</p><p>“Stand up straight and look at me,” Villanelle repeated. Villanelle looked at Eve and memories came flooding back. The bathroom where they first met, Eve chasing her, finding her, stabbing her, working together with her, Villanelle shooting her, kissing her, dancing with her, and somewhere along the way, she had started loving her. She took this moment to memorize Eve’s face, for the last time.<br/>Those beautiful, wild curls moving slowly in the cool breeze, faintly smelling of her shampoo. Her god-awful clothes. Eve really needs a shopping spree, Villanelle noted once again. Maybe she would send her a gift card in the near future. Her chest, rising and falling, more quickly now that she was starting to realize where this was going. Her perfect skin, her lips, and her eyes. The eyes that never looked at her like she was awful. The eyes that always held a bit of understanding, no matter the circumstance. God, she was going to miss her.</p><p>But she understands, now. This is what love is. It’s the ultimate sacrifice. It’s pure and selfless. She has to let Eve go. There’s no way around it. Eve wants a normal life and as much as Villanelle does too, she’s far from it. Chaos follows her everywhere she goes. Death chases her around every corner. Eve can do better. Eve will do better. Because Villanelle is done ruining her life. She doesn’t want to be the cause of Eve’s pain and frustration anymore. She wants Eve to be happy. So she’s going to let her go. Because she’s family.</p><p>Eve straightens up and looks up at her. Oh my god, Villanelle thinks, she thinks I’m going to kiss her. Eve Polastri, you think you’re so sly, looking down at my lips like that. But it doesn’t last longer than a millisecond. It’s now or never. If Villanelle doesn’t turn around now, she won’t be able to. She’s going to do something really, really, really, stupid, like kiss Eve or tell her she loves her. And she can’t. Because Eve wants to walk away. She needs to. For her own good.</p><p>“Now turn around and face the other way,” Villanelle says, barely audible, silently willing herself not to cry.</p><p>“What?” She hears Eve say but she can’t let her speak. Because Villanelle isn’t strong. Not when it comes to Eve. Konstantin was right, all that time ago, Eve Polastri has made her go soft.</p><p>“I’ll turn this way” ...no matter how much it hurts or kills me, she finished silently.</p><p>“Have you turned? Can’t see you” she asks Eve. And god does it hurt. Her chest feels heavy, like it’s filled with lead and she’s sinking. She involuntarily sighs and hopes Eve didn’t hear it. Because Eve is her flame, her light, and she’s about to pour water on her. But she leans back and feels Eve one last time. Back to back, she rests her head on hers. Villanelle closes her eyes and lets her other senses take over. Eve’s smell is overpowering. She can feel strands of Eve’s hair being blown into her. She can hear Eve’s breath, as it comes out choppy and uncertain. And she can definitely taste the bitter tang of regret on her tongue already. But this is what’s best for Eve. And Villanelle can’t be selfish now. She owes Eve this, at the very least.</p><p>So she keeps her voice steady as Eve says “Now what?” and delivers her last line to Eve.</p><p>“Now we walk, and we never look back.” Villanelle is proud of herself for keeping it together. She said it strongly and there’s no going back now. So she plows over Eve’s hesitant “But... I- I..” with a forced “Don’t turn. Just walk” and takes the hardest step of her life. She couldn’t bring herself to think of what Eve was going to say. But what if... NO Villanelle almost shouted. Don’t think, just walk, she repeated to herself. Over and over again. The mantra almost drowned out the multiple what-if scenarios playing through her head.</p><p>What if she loved me too? What if she came after me? What if we could make this work after all?</p><p>No, of course not. This isn’t a goddamn movie, Villanelle. She could hear Eve walking away now. But she had to know for sure. Would Eve turn around? Give her one last look before disappearing forever? So, she stops. She can’t take another step. It’s too much, after everything they’ve been through. She thinks Eve has stopped too, hopes for it with every fiber of her being.</p><p>She doesn’t know if she can handle the disappointment. Not after everyone else. Not after her mother. But Eve’s not everyone else. She’s different, she’s special. So, Villanelle risks being destroyed one last time. For one last glimpse of Eve.</p><p>And so, she turns around. And sees Eve looking right at her, she had already made her choice. No matter what, they couldn’t walk away. Some sort of connection was there, ever since the first time they laid eyes on each other. And it only amplified as the days went on.</p><p>Villanelle gave Eve a little half-smile. Eve had always been the one to make the first move, she was brave like that. But this time was different, they both stopped walking, they both turned around. And at the same time, they both ran back to each other.</p><p>“Eve, I--” Villanelle started but Eve interrupted immediately. “No shut up and listen to me. Look.” Eve sighed before continuing. “I know we aren’t the best thing for each other. I know we should walk away; we need to walk away. But Villanelle, I just... I can’t. I can’t simply walk away and move on. I tried! No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I can’t get you out of my head. Maybe it would be easier if I just jumped. There’s just something about you – about us – that makes it impossible to walk away.”</p><p>Villanelle just stares at her, dumbfounded but relieved, in a strange sort of way.</p><p>“What? Are you lost for words?” Eve asks wearily.</p><p>“I just... I didn’t know if I was allowed to talk yet,” Villanelle quips. Eve sighs like she’s exasperated but she understands. This is... overwhelming, to say the least. For both of them. And this time, Villanelle kisses Eve. She leans in and captures Eve’s lips. The kiss is slow, magnificent, and dripping with passion. Villanelle threads her fingers through Eve’s hair and Eve wraps her arms around Villanelle, holding her close. They separate and Eve looks breathless.</p><p>“Villanelle I--” Eve starts but can’t seem to find the right words. Villanelle looks at her, holding her breath, and waiting. This is the moment. She’s going to say those three words to her. The words Villanelle has been all but dying to hear.</p><p>Then, Eve notices a tall woman briskly walking toward them.</p><p>“Villanelle!” She snarls. Villanelle turns around, wide-eyed and desperately trying to find an escape route for Eve, “Hélène. What an obnoxious surprise. What do you want?” she asks. Eve narrows her eyes as she studies them both, because this is obviously not good, judging by Villanelle’s body language.</p><p>“I want you to come with me, immediately” Hélène answers. But Villanelle is shaking her head before she’s even finished her sentence. “Oh no, you see, Eve and I were talking. And it’s sort of rude of you to interrupt.” Hélène looks at Villanelle for a moment and growls “You would be wise to remember our last conversation.” Villanelle can quickly see where this headed. “Sorry to disappoint but I quit. You were a very toxic boss” she drawls out.</p><p>Hélène looks at the pair who are standing close together and pulls out a small combat knife. She nods her head in Eve’s direction and says “I would follow me unless you want your friend to find out just how quickly one can die from a deep cut to their femoral artery. My bet is on six and a half minutes. Any other wagers?” to Villanelle.</p><p>Villanelle looks around and makes a split-second decision. She shoves Eve and yells at her to run while launching herself at the French woman. Hélène is caught by surprise and gets slammed against the railing. They begin to struggle as Villanelle grips her wrist which holds the knife. Meanwhile, Eve stands there frozen, debating on whether she should strangle a stranger or simply shove her over the bridge. Hélène emerges triumphant as breaks free of Villanelle’s grasp and throws the knife at Eve, who has made her choice, and is running toward them.</p><p>Villanelle can’t let anything happen to Eve. Not now. Especially not after she was ready to let her go but Eve got caught up In Villanelle’s chaos again. So she jumps and shoves Eve down, knife landing directly in Villanelle’s left calf. Hélène smiles wickedly and pulls the handle of the knife up, dragging it, and tearing through Villanelle’s muscle until she reaches the outer side of her left knee. Villanelle’s screams pierce the night and Eve knows that those screams will haunt her dreams for years to come. Hélène aims for Eve again while Villanelle rolls over and delivers a powerful kick with her right leg to Hélène’s ankle. She hears a satisfying crunch as Hélène cries out. Villanelle knows that she can’t run. Not with her leg in this condition. She musters enough strength to get up and launch herself at Hélène. She turns over her shoulder and shouts “Never look back, Eve” and then drags Hélène with her over Tower Bridge into the rapid current.</p><p>Eve’s screech can be heard from kilometers away. Both women land in the Thames with a splash. Eve frantically looks for Villanelle to resurface but she knows the current Is too strong. It’s likely washed her far away already. Eve is in shock, devastated. Tower Bridge is far too long for her to run and try to catch up. She would die if she jumped after Villanelle. But Villanelle needs her and she knows she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t at least try. She phones the police and they inform her that an ambulance will be there within the next five minutes.</p><p>Eve turns and sprints back to Paul’s house, but nobody is there besides the police who were investigating a “suicide.” Eve is frantic, she needs Villanelle, she chose Villanelle. Why couldn’t the universe just let her have ONE happy moment?</p><p>She dials Konstantin and he answers with a careless “hello?” Eve tries to tell him what happened when she realizes that she’s sobbing and he can’t understand a word she’s saying. After repeating herself and screaming at Konstantin to do something, he finally pieces together what has happened.</p><p>“Eve?” he starts cautiously, “If she has jumped from Tower Bridge, you know that she’s most likely... well, gone.” Eve refuses to accept this. She can’t. Not after everything she’s been through this past year. And not after that kiss. So she hangs up and flags down the first cab she sees.</p><p>________________</p><p>The cold water shocks Villanelle immediately, even though she was expecting It. It seeps into her gashed leg and makes her want to scream but she can’t. She’s being dragged away by the current and water is filling her lungs. Hélène got sucked up by the current immediately, but at least she wasn’t close to Villanelle anymore. Villanelle hopes she drowns.</p><p>Her clothes are dragging her down and her leg hurts too much to try to swim upwards. But she cannot give up. She has to try, for herself and for Eve, and for their future together. Her body is screaming at her to stop but she tries to fight the current. She kicks and splashes upward. Her lungs are burning and she needs oxygen soon if she’s going to make it out of this alive.</p><p>Villanelle finally breaks through to the surface of the cold, dark water. She coughs and sputters as she tries to inhale as much air as she can. She looks around and sees nothing but water surrounding her. She tries to swim to the nearest bank but the effort is futile. She’s weak, injured, probably in shock, and she almost drowned.</p><p>I definitely deserve a vacation, Villanelle thinks and tries again. But it’s pointless. No matter how much she tries to swim, her clothes are too waterlogged and her leg is giving out. Eve deserved better anyway. Yes, Eve had chosen her but the universe obviously had a different idea.</p><p>Villanelle thinks of Eve in her last moments. She wishes she got to tell her everything about herself, that would be her greatest gift to Eve. She needed to tell her that she loved her, was in love with her. But it was far too late. Villanelle accepts her fate, closes her eyes, pictures their last kiss, and lets the current take her.</p><p>_______________</p><p>Eve stumbles onto the riverbank and runs toward the body the police are pulling out of the river. God, she’s going to throw up, she can feel her stomach churning. And as she gets closer, she realizes that it’s not her. The woman they’ve pulled out of the river is Hélène, not Villanelle. She doesn’t know how to feel. She’s relieved but broken at the same time. There’s a small chance that Villanelle made it out alive, but a huge chance that her body was simply swept up into the current. Gone.</p><p>The police take her statement and try to seem optimistic. But Eve can detect the sympathy in their eyes. Finally, one of them quietly says to her “Ma’am, the chances of your friend being alive are very, very slim. The current was excruciatingly strong tonight and even the best swimmer would have trouble. But we will keep looking.”</p><p>Friend? Her friend? Villanelle was her shield, her rock, her love. But not friend. Far from it. Eve nods and walks away, not knowing or caring where she is going.</p><p>Everything has gone quiet and clear. She could only see darkness ahead. There would be no more joking with Villanelle, no candid conversations, no smiles, no comfort, no… anything. She didn’t even get to tell her that she loves her, that she was her person. Eve’s tears are falling silently now, blurring her vision. She would never get to feel her soulmate’s lips on hers again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Please Stay Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello all! I think I'll post a chapter every Friday until I finish this fic off, or until you guys get bored with it. Whichever comes first! I'd love any feedback. Find me on twitter if you want to chat! @villanelle33</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Villanelle opens her eyes to darkness and the cold wind whipping through her wet hair. She’s lying on her side, half dead, on some disgusting, trashy riverbank. Filthy English rivers, she thinks to herself before coughing up water. She doesn’t know how she survived. She gave up. She should’ve drowned. She wanted to die. There was no point living in a world where all she was doing was endangering Eve. <br/> <br/>They didn’t even get half an hour alone before Villanelle’s world had crashed down around both of them.  <br/> <br/>“Fuck” she mutters as she looks down at her calf. It looks… pretty bad. The gash is long and seems deep. The wound is completely open and still oozing blood. And of course, it looks dirty. Villanelle knows she needs to clean it and make some attempt at closing her wound if she doesn’t want it to get infected.  <br/> <br/>God, what is it about sexy women and stabbing me? It’s getting really old, she muses. <br/> <br/>Villanelle pulls off her mustard yellow coat. Her phone was in there and it’s now absolutely useless. She had some money as well and she lays the notes out to dry next to her. She tears strips from the sleeves of her coat and creates a tourniquet just below her knee. She also uses the cloth to clean herself up a little. The mustard yellow coat was now stained with dirt and blood.  <br/> <br/>She tore a long, thick strip from her coat and limped to the river. Soaked the cloth in it and wrung it out. Villanelle took a deep breath and started to gently pat her leg. It felt like her whole body was on fire. The pain shot through her body and she let out a scream mixed with her favorite curse words. <br/> <br/>She dipped the cloth again and wrapped it tightly around her wound, shielding it from bugs and flying dust, at least. She tucked it under her tourniquet and decided that would be enough for now. She needed to find a place to stay and some medical supplies as soon as possible. <br/> <br/>But how the fuck was she supposed to get anywhere when half of her left leg was gaping. I’ve been through worse, way worse. I can do this; she thought and began to limp away from the riverbank. </p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Eve jolted awake, curls stuck to her forehead with sweat, and looked around. Four in the morning? Fuck. Ever since Tower Bridge, she couldn’t sleep more than a few hours at a time.  <br/> <br/>She grabbed the cheap whiskey bottle from her nightstand and took a swig. She was still drunk from the day before and she didn’t care. Alcohol was her coping mechanism and she accepted that. She didn’t need anyone. Everyone that got close to her ended up dead, or with a pitchfork through their neck. <br/> <br/>Eve sighed and walked to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and groaned. She looked a mess. Hair disheveled, greasy, and damp. Dark circles decorating her eyes. She felt tired. Emotionally exhausted of trying to cope with everyone’s death. Bill, Kenny, (almost) Niko, and now, Villanelle.  <br/> <br/>She took several long gulps of the honey-colored liquid at that thought. She needed to buy more alcohol today or she was never going to make it through the week. <br/> <br/>She went back to bed, bottle in hand, and drank until she passed out. </p>
<hr/>
<p> <br/>Eve is startled awake by someone pounding on her door. Could it be? Was Villanelle alive? It’s her, it’s got to be her. Eve stumbles out of bed and opens the door. <br/> <br/>Her face falls. “Carolyn… Hi, come on in.” She moves so the older woman could walk past her.  <br/> <br/>Carolyn gives her a sweeping look full of pity and says “I take it she’s… not with us anymore?”  <br/> <br/>“You can say she’s dead” Eve shrugs and reaches for her bottle of whiskey. Empty. Fucking lovely.  <br/> <br/>“Did you see a body? Has it been confirmed, Eve?” <br/> <br/>“Well no but—“ Eve starts but Carolyn quickly interrupts with a “Do not assume anything until you’ve seen it with your own eyes. You should know this by now.” <br/> <br/>“Carolyn, I’m being realistic. She was wounded, the current was awfully strong, and the drop was too high for her to survive. It’s a one in a million chance she’s alive.” Carolyn looked at her and calmly stated “But not zero.” <br/> <br/>“Anyway, I’m here because I have a job for you. I need you to find out where Konstantin has run off to. Start by questioning his daughter. Take her as a hostage if you want.” Carolyn turned to leave. Opened the door and then turned back. “Oh, and Eve? Find out whether or not Villanelle is still alive. Turns out, I could use her help after all.” <br/> <br/>Eve sat there, speechless. What in the fuck was that? I do not work for her anymore. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about where Konstantin is and Villanelle is at the bottom of the Thames somewhere. </p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>By the time Villanelle reached a pharmacy in some small town, it was mid-morning. She looked absolutely terrible and she knew she would stick out like a sore thumb. So, she walked into a clothing store on the same street, grabbed some clothes, and immediately headed for the dressing room. <br/> <br/>After changing, she went to the pharmacy, grimacing each time her pants brushed her calf, which was every single fucking step. She found disinfectant and a suture kit, then walked out, not caring if anyone saw her. She needed to figure out where the fuck she was and find a place to stay. She walked in the direction of the taller buildings in the far distance. <br/> <br/>By midafternoon, Villanelle reached some dingy motel. She was apparently in Northfleet. She slammed the door open and walked up to the front desk. The teenage boy looked at her and she said “I need a room” with gritted teeth. He tried to ask for her name but she threw some bills at him and said “Off the books” with a menacing glare. The boy nodded frantically, turned around, and gave her a key. “Best room in the building ma’am” he squeaked out. <br/> <br/>“Great, do not allow anyone up there for the next week.” She declared and headed in the direction of the elevators. Room 403 was going to be her safe place. For now. </p>
<hr/>
<p> <br/> <br/>Eve spent the next few days drinking herself into a stupor. Whiskey, vodka, rum, repeat. She only left her apartment to get food, and even that was only once a day. She was walking back from the market with a bag full of crackers, granola bars, and sandwiches. She didn’t have much of an appetite anymore either. <br/> <br/>She stopped and lit a cigarette. If only Villanelle was here, she’d probably tell me what a disgusting habit this is. Oh well, I’ll take anything that slightly numbs the pain.  <br/> <br/>Carolyn had called, probably to ask how everything was going, but Eve hadn’t answered the phone. It was too much today. The initial shock was wearing off and now all Eve felt was sadness. Time passed so slowly. It was almost if the earth had stopped spinning. Nothing mattered. Eve knew she was spiraling and going down a dark road, but honestly? She didn’t care anymore. </p>
<hr/>
<p>  <br/>Her calf was infected. Villanelle knew it. Her mind was too foggy, she was burning up, and it just looked gross. She did everything right this time. She cleaned and rewrapped the wound daily.  <br/> <br/>She didn’t know what time or day it was. Everything was blurry and hazy. All she did was sleep. Eve. She wanted Eve here. Eve would help her. She picked up the hotel phone and dialed the number she had memorized many months ago.  <br/> <br/>“Carolyn I’m not in the fucking mood tonight, okay?” Eve’s voice rang out, clearly agitated.  <br/> <br/>“Eve” Villanelle softly muttered out and then passed back out, the phone still in her limp hand. <br/> <br/>“V- Villanelle?” Eve asked, surprise evident in her voice. No answer. “Villanelle! Where are you?! I’m going to find you. Please... Villanelle. Please stay alive... for me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hi Eve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it's rather short. I had a very busy week last week but I will update again next Friday.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Villanelle is alive. She sounds weak but she’s alive. Oh god, she’s alive. Fuck what do I do? How do I find her? Eve is frantic. She needs to find her, now. She picks up her phone, dials Bear, and tells him to go to Bitter Pill, immediately. He tries to ask if everything’s okay but Eve has already hung up. She changes into jeans and a sweater, runs her fingers through her messy curls, and leaves. <br/>
 <br/>
She waits over an hour for Bear. “What took you so long?” Eve asks, very irritably. Bear seems slightly put off and says “...it’s late Eve. Are you okay? What’s going on?”  <br/>
 <br/>
“Nothing, I just, I need your help” she replies intensely “This person called me and I need to know where they are. Can you trace the call?” <br/>
 <br/>
“Eve are you serious? It’s nearly four in the morning and you asked me here to trace a bloody call? Could this not wait? Who called you?” Bear bombards Eve. <br/>
 <br/>
“I... I don’t know, I just need to find out where they are. That’s all. Then you can go right back to sleep.” Eve tells him. She could’ve told him it was Villanelle. But for some reason, she didn’t want anyone to know. She wanted to protect Villanelle and keep her to herself. For now at least. <br/>
 <br/>
Bear sighs and motions for Eve’s phone. He gets to work and she stands over his shoulder, watching. </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle goes in and out of sleep all night long. She has chills and she feels the need to vomit. She gets up and limps to the sink, drinks some water straight out of the tap, and then goes back to the bed.  <br/>
 <br/>
She can’t think right now. Everything is out of focus. The room is spinning and she just wants Eve. She wants to hear her voice and to just... feel her presence. Simple stuff. With thoughts of Eve and her leg throbbing, she slowly slips back into sleep. </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
 <br/>
“Are you almost done?” Eve asks, again. <br/>
 <br/>
“Stop asking! You ask me once every two minutes.” Bear exclaims. Eve can tell he’s getting frustrated with her but quite frankly, she can’t bring herself to care. He’s been at it for a couple of hours now but they’ve gotten nowhere. <br/>
 <br/>
“There. The call was made from a private phone near London.” Bear says. <br/>
 <br/>
“Wait really? Where? Show me. Can you pull up an address or a map or something?” Eve asks impatiently. <br/>
 <br/>
“Looks like a motel in Northfleet. Now can you tell me who it was that called you?”  <br/>
 <br/>
“No, but thank you for your help. Go get some rest.” Eve is already walking to the doors before she’s finished her sentence.  <br/>
 <br/>
She steps outside and the sun is just beginning to rise. The morning dew shimmering in the early rays of light. She breathes in slowly and goes to hail a cab. <br/>
 <br/>
“Where to?” The cab driver says, unusually cheery for 6 in the morning. <br/>
 <br/>
“Northfleet please.” Eve replies. She nods when he tells her it’ll be a little over an hour’s drive. Near London my ass, she thinks. <br/>
 <br/>
Throughout the drive, Eve just stares out the window. Apprehension building with each passing minute. She doesn’t know what kind of state Villanelle is going to be in. How hurt she is. Eve doesn’t know how she’s going to react to her showing up. Eve’s mind is racing. This could go so many different ways and she doesn’t know how many of those scenarios have good outcomes. <br/>
 <br/>
“We’re about 15 minutes away” the driver calls to Eve, “anywhere in particular you want me to drop you off at?” <br/>
 <br/>
“Uh, just drop me off on Huntley” she replies. She’ll walk from there, it won’t be far. <br/>
 <br/>
“Yes madam.” he replies. </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
Eve shuts the door of the cab and pulls out her phone. The motel is about a kilometer southwest. She sets off at a brisk pace, nerves eating away at her stomach.  <br/>
 <br/>
As she nears the dusty road the hotel is on, she slows down. It looks... dingy and old. It doesn’t look like anywhere Villanelle would set foot willingly. What if someone is holding her hostage? What if I’m walking right into a trap and they both end up dead? Fuck what am I supposed to do? <br/>
 <br/>
She opens the heavy door and walks into the lobby. <br/>
 <br/>
“Hello, wanting to book a room?” The teenaged boy at the desk greets her with a friendly smile. <br/>
 <br/>
“Actually, I was wondering if you could tell me what room this woman is in?” Eve gets straight to the point. She holds out her phone and shows him a picture of Villanelle. His eyes flash with recognition before he says “No madam, I haven’t seen anyone like her. We also keep our customer’s information private.” He slowly says. He’s nervous. Eve can smell it. <br/>
 <br/>
“Are you sure you can’t tell me? She needs my help. She asked me to meet her here.” Eve tries even though she knows it won’t get her anywhere. She needs to get behind the counter and look at the record log on the boy’s computer. <br/>
 <br/>
The boy seems to know what she’s thinking because he says “No, I can’t share anything. Were you wanting a room or not?” then makes a point to enter his password into the computer. <br/>
 <br/>
“Yes, I’ll take one.”  <br/>
 <br/>
“Alright, I just need some information from you. What is your name?” He asks. <br/>
 <br/>
“Diana Williams” Eve says confidently. Damn, that was good, she doesn’t even know where she pulled that name out of. <br/>
 <br/>
“Do you have any identification with you?” He asks. <br/>
 <br/>
“No, I was in a rush to get here.”  <br/>
 <br/>
The boy finishes with his computer, tells her the total, and she hands him the money. He gives her a key to room 201. <br/>
 <br/>
She needs to figure out where Villanelle is and fast. <br/>
 <br/>
Eve gets into the elevator and notices there are only four floors. She bets Villanelle will be on the fourth. She hits the faded 4 and the doors close. She gets out and looks to the left and right hallways. Only eight rooms here. Not too bad, she can do this. <br/>
 <br/>
She starts at 401. Knocks. No answer. Knocks harder. Still nothing. <br/>
 <br/>
402. A man immediately opens the door. He’s short and balding. Eve is hit with the stale scent of whiskey and he looks her up and down and says “Come on in sweetheart.” <br/>
 <br/>
“No, I got the wrong room, I’m in 403, sorry.” She says disgustedly and starts walking away. The door slams shut. <br/>
 <br/>
403. Eve knocks hard, her knuckles echoing in the empty hallway. She can hear someone rustling inside. Then her stomach drops as she hears a gruff “I told you to leave me alone” in a thick Russian accent. <br/>
 <br/>
“Villanelle. Open the door. It’s me. Let me help you, please.” Eve says with a shaky voice. <br/>
 <br/>
Silence. <br/>
 <br/>
“Villanelle please, I-” Eve starts but the door swings open and Villanelle is barely standing, holding onto the door for support. <br/>
 <br/>
“Hi Eve.” <br/>
 <br/>
God, she missed her voice. The way her name fell off Villanelle’s lips was intoxicating. She wanted to hear it over and over.  <br/>
 <br/>
“Let me help you.” Eve says softly. <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle motions for her to come in and limps to the bed. She sits down and looks up at Eve.  <br/>
 <br/>
“Eve you shouldn’t be here. They’re going to come for me and I don’t want them to find you.” Villanelle deadpans. <br/>
 <br/>
“Then we will figure it out together. I don’t care if it’s dangerous. Let me see your leg.” Eve replies, her voice getting stronger. <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle lifts her injured leg up onto the bed and turns, so she’s propped up against the pillows. Eve’s eyes go wide. <br/>
 <br/>
“Holy shit” Eve breathes out. <br/>
 <br/>
“Yeah, it might be infected” Villanelle snarks with a weak smile. <br/>
 <br/>
“Might? Did you even try to disinfect it?” Eve scolds her. <br/>
 <br/>
“Obviously. Everything’s over there” Villanelle nods to a bag carelessly tossed on the table next to a small loveseat.  <br/>
 <br/>
Eve walks over and brings the bag to the bed. She gets the cup of water beside Villanelle’s bed and pours it over her wound. Villanelle just looks at her, bracing herself for what’s about to come. <br/>
 <br/>
Eve pours disinfectant on the cotton. She looks at Villanelle and says “This is gonna hurt, probably really bad.” <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle grits her teeth and says “just do it.” <br/>
 <br/>
Eve holds Villanelle’s calf, trying to not stretch or pull at the wound, and gently dabs it over the top edges. <br/>
 <br/>
“Eve, it hurts more when you do it slowly. Just get it over with.”  <br/>
 <br/>
“I don’t want to hurt you!” Eve deadpans, then stops. Was it too much? Villanelle looks at her curiously. <br/>
 <br/>
Eve firmly runs the cotton down the wound. Villanelle lets out a hiss of pain. <br/>
 <br/>
“Alright, that’s done. Now let me try to stitch it up.” Eve says. <br/>
 <br/>
“Do you really have to?” Villanelle asks, face still contorted in pain. <br/>
 <br/>
“Yes, unless you want to lose your leg.” Eve replies. <br/>
 <br/>
She opens the suture kit. “Villanelle?” <br/>
 <br/>
“Hmm?”  <br/>
 <br/>
“There... there isn’t any numbing cream. Do you have any pills?” Eve asks. <br/>
 <br/>
“No, I don’t like how they make me feel.” Villanelle replies slowly. <br/>
 <br/>
“I need to go get you some, the pain will be overwhelming if you don’t take any.” <br/>
 <br/>
“Eve, I will be fine. Do your best.” Villanelle replies weakly. <br/>
 <br/>
Eve can tell she’s on the verge of passing out, probably due to her fever and still infected leg. Eve knows she needs to close the wound. <br/>
 <br/>
“Turn over, lay on your stomach.”  <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle listens to her. <br/>
 <br/>
“Alright, I’m going to start. It’s going to hurt, really bad.” <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle nods weakly. Eve takes the needle and pierces Villanelle’s skin. She winces and looks at Villanelle. Her fists are bunching up the sheets and her mouth is clamped down on the pillow. Fuck, I need to hurry up and get this over with, Eve thinks as she pulls the thread through. In and out. Over and under. She tries to hurry but the wound is long and it takes her a little while. She finally reaches the end and tightens the thread. Villanelle lets out an agonizing groan of pain. <br/>
 <br/>
It looks... sloppy but at least the wound is closed. Eve goes to the bathroom and grabs a washcloth. Soaks it in disinfectant and presses it down on the wound.  <br/>
 <br/>
“Fuck.” Villanelle hisses out. She turns back over. “That really hurt, Eve.” She pants out. <br/>
 <br/>
“I know, but it’s closed up now. I need to go to the pharmacy and get you some antibiotics. You need them for the infection and for your fever.” Eve replies. <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle looks up at her, exhaustion written all over her face. “Eve, the Twelve will send someone to find me. They’re going to try to kill me... and you if you’re here. I can’t... you need to go, Eve.” Villanelle tells her. <br/>
 <br/>
“No. I told you I don’t care. I am here to help you. Once your leg heals, we can go somewhere else. They don’t have to find us.” <br/>
 <br/>
Villanelle looks at her and half-smiles. “Go somewhere? Like-” Villanelle begins but is interrupted by a loud banging on the door. <br/>
 <br/>
Fuck. The color drains from Eve’s face and Villanelle’s smile turns into a grimace. They’re in no position to fight, or even run. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>BEFORE YOU CRUCIFY ME, Villanelle is NOT dead. This is going to be a long fic and you will see them come back to each other again. It’s what they do.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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